It comes to this

I read a quote recently to the affect: talent builds a church but it is sustained by character. The pastor of a church that I attended 20 years ago always said it is easy to find talented people but not easy to find faithful people. Another ministry I was a part of several years ago watched many “shooting stars” come and go, volunteers who ferociously entered the fray and just as quickly burned out.

As I write this I will be starting my 19th year in “full-time ministry”, my 17th year in YWAM, my 16th year on the res, my 10th year married to Pam, my 8th year living full-time at Discovery and my 9th month as Pastor of the LCO Church of Love and Compassion. As I look back sometimes I say, “Why me?” Close friends and co-workers (who were young and full of the Spirit of God) have gone home to be with the Lord. Friends and co-workers have left the pulpit and mission fields because of divorce, family problems, pressure, relationship distress, loneliness, desire for marriage, career, confusion and unresolved personal issues. I think, “How am I still standing when so many better men have fallen and others so vital have been called home to the dismay of flocks and followers?” How have I survived my own foolishness, rebelliousness, self-centeredness and outright stupidity?

As I am preparing for my licensing interview with the divisional leaders of the Foursquare Church, an interview question reads, “How do you know God has called you into the minstry?” Oye!

The one overwhelming marks throughout my life is God’s faithfulness. I have managed to do a few things right now and again, but they are vastly outweighed by the things that have come out of left field, gone south, went to Hell in a hand-basket, failed and blew up in my face. I have hurt people, let people down, taken out my frustrations on my family, failed to show up, forgotten to be places, let things slip away...... Is this God’s best for me? Is this my best for God?

I love mercy. Mostly because I need it. Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy.” James says, “mercy triumphs over judgement” and reminds us that the “wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Going through a separation and divorce twenty years ago, I tasted God’s mercy in miraculous and profound ways. It melted bitterness in my heart and I wept and wept. I deserved wrath, at least a good beating, but I received this overwhelming presence of mercy in a way that drew me to Jesus and to the Father. Perhaps most profoundly it pierced shame: my urge to hide and cover myself in the presence of God.

God’s mercy in my life has taught me patience. Someone asked me once, “do you think maybe we can have too much mercy?” My answer was do we presume to out-mercy God? This person was upset with a person I was patient with. One who grew up in a Christian family, Christian church, Christian School, Christian College, listened to Christian music, read Christian books was unhappy with a young believer who had grown up living 25 years in one hell-hole after another. This young believer has now encountered the Living God and is finding out how God can work and transform a life while still having maybe more than a few rough edges. Wow, an older brother unhappy with the younger who has finally come to their senses after eating slop with the pigs. I wonder how many times I have had to come to my senses wallowing in the mud for a morsel.

God’s faithfulness is sustaining. He sees through the present to a finished work. That does not mean He winks at sin. He may take us to the wood shed now and then. He may lead us to the wilderness where the flesh becomes weak and vulnerable but the soul begins to pant, and long, and remember. I tend to think God is not disgusted with us, though we are often disgusted with ourselves. Nor is He disgusted with my brother or sister when I am disgusted in the guise of “righteous indignation” which is really just hidden pride.

In YWAM I have heard a statistic claiming that about 80 percent of those who leave the mission field do so because they can not get a long with the other missionaries. That implies there may be some who have left because they could not get a long with me, no body has ever told me that (to my face.)

Seventeen years ago the Lord told me to put my hand to the plow and don’t look back. Entering that new field 17 years ago with my bright shiny plow was not easy. The plow has needed periodic repair. I have had to make adjustments to keep the rows in order. But through the breaking of ground, seeds find rest and a place to germinate. Breaking ground breaks a sweat. Different ones have come a gone from the field, some have joined at the plow, some have gone off to buy a tractor. We have had bursts of energy and vigor; we have spun our tires in the mud.

No one can be more suprised than myself that I am still here today. We tend to look for things with Samuel’s eyes, while God sees our hearts: good intentions with lousy execution, hidden agendas and selfish ambitions. BUT, He also knows how to find the king in the shepherd boy. He knows how to make a grand enterance in our moments of humilty.

Best and most amazing to me is that God knows how to clean up this whole mess called the human experience, the problem of evil, the last days. He knows how to show His glory in the midst of darkness. He knows how to save what is lost. He knows how to place a seed in hostile environments and cultivate a garden. He knows how to take our feeble attempts and transform them into His Kingdom of power.

God is faithful, True, through and through. He is merciful as He meets out His justice. And, it is by His grace that we are saved which is beyond ability and merit, but given simply because He wants to.